Tuesday, May 3, 2016

I think I just miss food

It is the third day of Pascha and I’m filled up with all sorts of delicious foods, not one of them can be classified as a vegetable. I’ve eaten so many different foods the past 48 hours I’m filled up to my throat. I’ve even been drinking a lot of water to which is both good for me and helps me feel full. But I’m still hungry...

Then it occurred to me that I’m not hungry. I just miss food. After so many weeks of fasting according to the traditions of the Church, I’ve lost 22 pounds and never really felt hungry. I ate smaller meals and healthier meals at that! Now that the fast is over and I can eat whatever I wish (this week anyway) I have been going back and forth to the cupboard looking for something else to eat.

This is the time each year I REALLY struggle with self control. I admit that I have issues with eating, most times even acknowledging that I have a food addiction. From the addiction point of view I have been on a 48 hour binge very similar to an alcoholic falling off the wagon. Now is the danger zone for me. Will I get back in control, which I so enjoyed during the Fast, or will I keep eating and lose any ground I gained (or lost as the case might be) with my addiction?

If you look back to what I said “It finally starts” at the beginning of Great Lent, and also what I said in my blog post, “Healthy Body AND Soul” and you will remember how we understand the connection between our physical and spiritual life. Before I find myself on a “sin binge” like my eating binge, I better figure this self control thing out. Thankfully, next week the normal Wednesday-Friday fast will be back, and I can get back at it. I have to keep reminding myself, I’m not hungry. I just miss food.

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